How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize