Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
