thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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