I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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