He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
