either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
