I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
