Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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