Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
