Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
