Banned from zoo.
Again?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
