"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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