does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
