Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
