I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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