At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
