i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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