god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
