yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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