i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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