you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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