even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
