the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
