your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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