it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
