Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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