she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
