I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
