Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
