If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
