you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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