felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
