oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
