We won't sleep together?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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