made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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