Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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