they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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