I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
