Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
