the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
