my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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