yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
