Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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