Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
