She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
