True but thats because hes a fetus.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
