its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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