you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize