Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
