Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
