I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Panties = found
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