In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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