So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
