So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
