Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
