she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
