your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Soap is not a condiment
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
