so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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