Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
