just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
