And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
