Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize