Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
