In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
