who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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