I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We had sex on a dog bed..
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
