You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
