God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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