i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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